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"what not to wear..." part deux
It all started with a simple email to our tech team urging them to wear their spiffy looking crosswinds tech shirts and a pair of pants (as opposed to shorts) on weekends when they were serving. It was followed by a series of well-thought out emails from various team members detailing why this was a less than ideal request.
I smiled as I read their responses. See, when we did the “summer what-not-to-wear” talk with worship and drama team people in June, I was prepared for some energetic push back from a few of them. (Apparently several were feeling that bare feet, spaghetti straps, bare midriffs and skin tight clothing wouldn’t be a distraction as they led worship.) But who knew there’d be protest from BOTH sides of the stage? Still shaking my head.
At any rate – to me, how the clothing debate shakes out for tech people is of less importance than how we all handle the underlying “hot buttons” that brought about the debate in the first place. These are the questions I’m asking myself as I sort this through. Want to join me?
1. Is my objection really about the clothing itself?
2. Or is it more about the loss of having a choice?
3. Does making it a “rule” or “guideline” necessarily make it a bad idea?
4. Does my ministry impact extend beyond the walls of the tech and sound booths?
5. Does what I wear affect how I serve? (does it make me so uncomfortable that I can’t concentrate?)
6. Does what I wear support all team members – off the stage and on the stage? (Is it fair? Does fair matter?)
7. Finally (and probably most importantly) – do I actually have the legs to tastefully pull off the “shorts look?!” (come on… don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…) :-)
2. Or is it more about the loss of having a choice?
3. Does making it a “rule” or “guideline” necessarily make it a bad idea?
4. Does my ministry impact extend beyond the walls of the tech and sound booths?
5. Does what I wear affect how I serve? (does it make me so uncomfortable that I can’t concentrate?)
6. Does what I wear support all team members – off the stage and on the stage? (Is it fair? Does fair matter?)
7. Finally (and probably most importantly) – do I actually have the legs to tastefully pull off the “shorts look?!” (come on… don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…) :-)
As always, there is much more to the big picture than any one person can see from their perspective. And there’s also much more to our individual stories than others might know. We didn’t all stumble on our “hot buttons” by accident.
Oh by the way, this discussion didn’t start by accident either. We can all thank an unnamed sound man and a hot, eye catching pair of “little white shorts” that were unexpectedly featured on stage under bright lights a few weeks ago. That’s what got things rolling. :-)
Thoughts, anyone?
Thoughts, anyone?
Labels: philosophy, serving
posted by crosswinds worship arts at 10:42 AM
12 Comments:
::: JOEL WROTE :::
Honestly, not to be hypocritical but I agree that if you are on stage "presenting" any material, be it with song, word, mime etc... you should be dressed appropriately. By appropriately, I'll suggest that this means in an effort to not draw attention to yourself - good or bad - but rather to give God glory and honor.
Unfortunately, this is very dynamic. Meaning "appropriate" can be interpreted differently based on factors like, age, gender or just overall aesthetics. It's unfortunate but true.
This is what I mean...
Female X, works her butt off (literally) to be in shape and healthy, and/or she happens to have been blessed with beautiful genetics. Female X wears a spaghetti-strapped sun dress - which is very appropriate in virtually every setting. But because she's beautiful - no all of a sudden - it's labeled a 'distraction' and consequently 'inappropriate'.
Female Y, on the other hand... well for whatever reason is not so easy on the eyes. She wears a similar spaghetti-strapped sun dress - and nobody gives a rip, or for that matter even notices.
Now all of a sudden, this same dress is no longer a distraction?
Does not seem even remotely fair - but our society has proved this true in most respects.
So what's the solution?
Is placing a rule/guideline around it the answer?
"From now on, no more spaghetti-strapped sun dresses"
Another example... workplace "dress codes" - LOL!
These blanket rules like, no jeans, must have a collared shirt, no sneakers etc...
Supposedly in an effort to support a "professional" appearance.
Person X, irons his jeans and shirts, polishes his shoes, scrubs his sneakers etc...
Person Y, has never operated an iron in his life, wears a pair of wrinkled cargo pants, a shirt that looks like it was used for origami and shoes that he may has well just ran a jackhammer in.
Alas, according to the "dress" code - person Y is in alliance with policy, person X in non-compliant.
Ok... one more...
Nurse X is close to 500lbs, she's pounding coffee for her entire shift, only breaking to take her seemingly endless cigarette breaks. Nurse Y is cute and more importantly "healthy" yet she cannot chew gum because it's so highly "unprofessional" Call me crazy, but I think as a patient, I'd just assume have someone chewing gum in my face than smell like an old cup of coffee that someone's been throwing their cigarette butts in.
Personal anecdotal experience/evidence.
Go into the mall. Wal-mart, Wegmans etc. on any given summer day and you'll see men ranging from a teen to 70+ years old wearing tank tops. And generally you won't even notice and/or care. I say "generally" because you won't see me doing that - why? Well, because I've worked very hard for the last 15 years lifting weights, dieting etc... in most circles I guess I'd be fairly muscular. Now... I walk through anyone of those stores and get all sorts of reactions, "here comes tough guy", "who does he think he is?", "he's on steroids", "he's so full of himself..." etc.
You laugh, but I'm telling you - it's true.
Many gyms now do not allow tank tops - for these reasons.
If you're "big" it's inappropriate/distracking - if you're [not] nobody gives a rip.
My point of all this ranting?
What's deemed appropriate is often very subjective - so "rules" and "guidelines" usually cause more "riffs" than the good they are intended to do.
So what's the solution?
I'll agree that there has to be some (minimal) blanket guidelines, (eg. no mini skirts if you're on stage)
But at the heart I honestly believe it mostly comes down to personal ownership/responsibility coupled with honest advice/critisism of management/peers.
Senerio...
Woman X wears a cute little white dress for her weekend worship rotation. The lights come on and all of a sudden "management" realizes that her dress has now become a sort of sheer veil more appropriate for performing in a French Cabaret than worshiping our Lord in his house in front of his sheep.
The first step would be to adjust the lighting accordingly if possible.
Secondly, as tactfully as possible mention this to woman X - "hey, that's a really cute thong but did you know..." My guess is that in most cases it's an honest mistake, and woman X would most likely be mortified.
If woman X says 'I don't care", "Oh well" etc... than that's a different story - and "management" needs to "manage" this as it's part of the roll they play.
I've honestly never given a second though to seeing a logo on stage, or shorts on a man etc... and I consider myself to have a pretty eye when it comes to noticing these things.
Finally, tech team dress code is just well - ridiculous.
As long as you're dressed appropriately for attending church at Crosswinds - that should be the only requirement. If you're working a concert, running a stage camera, striking objects from the stage etc.. dress in black or primarily dark colors to be as invisible as possible - for obvious reasons.
I honestly don't believe anyone gives a rip what any "behind the scene" volunteer wears.
If I'm wrong, please correct me, please share some specific disapproving comments from our church body with me.
Are the parking lot attendants going to be asked to wear pants now? How about the window washing team?
Heaven forbid someone comes in a bit early and finds someone washing the windows with a Nike logo'd tank top and shorts! I mean what kind of message would that send?
(I'm guessing a simple to profound sense of appreciation for their contribution)
// jOEL
Wow, that was a long comment before me. Sorry, Joel... I didn't read all that. Maybe I will later.
I just thought this was funny...
7. Finally (and probably most importantly) – do I actually have the legs to tastefully pull off the “shorts look?!” (come on… don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…) :-)
Melody... you are actually a blogger of some regularity now! Awesome. I shall continue to read.
As for the dress code... I'm not very good with that. ;-)
Greg - You WOULD be good with "dress codes" the first time your bass player showed up in a little sequined backless number with a feathered boa...
Hey Joel - got an opinion? :-)
Actually - several of your points are “why” we have any dress guidelines at all. I wish it could be simpler. I wish we could just say to everyone (volunteers both on and off the stage), "Please dress like you care about your job, your church, the God you're serving, and the people who came to meet with and worship Him. Please don't get in their way. Please have compassion on them, because what you wear DOES speak louder than what you do, sing, say, play, or which buttons or sliders you push. And it does impact each person differently. Loving and serving them IS part of loving and serving God."
I wish saying that were enough... But common sense is, for some of us, not-always-so-common. And awareness of the people around us and how we impact them is not something everyone clues into successfully.
We don't all use the same measures, have the same standards, iron our shirts the same way, shop at the same stores, watch the same tv shows, act the same age, have the same gender biases or sensitivities... we're all very different.
Honestly, what it boils down to for me is acknowledging that everyone does not think like i do, respond in the same ways i do, notice what i notice, and value what i value. And my respect for what others see, hear, think, and feel, is exactly what drives me to submit my preferences and freedoms to "become all things to all men so that some might meet him, know him, and be changed by him."
your serve...
Greg - You WOULD be good with "dress codes" the first time your bass player showed up in a little sequined backless number with a feathered boa...
Actually, most of my bass players have been guys, so... yeah. I'd have to put the kibosh on that pretty quickly... ;-)
wow I am so surprised at the comments on dress code what will happen if you guys are met with a tough question like christianity or islam. I do agree there should be dress code for volunteer and on or off stage. keep it professional if i want to go to a skin show i'll go there not church. lets stick to the what makes a differnce to our salvation not common things u should know already. the world has enough distractions let ejoice in the day that the LOrd has made.
I have abetter Idea why don't we wera habits and the vestige the fathers wear in catholic church that way we'll know if we are witha man or a woman and there would be no more aargument on attire. you will admit there would be no seeing thru the penquin suits.haha!!!as I tell my daughter be sensible in what you wear and would it honor GOD.
oh and by the way. the sleaky white summer dress could be worn with what my grandma used to call a full slip. HMMMMMM grandma was pretty smart huh!!!!!!!
even God helped adam and eve dress the 1st time. he realized fig leafes just don't cover enough so he killed a hole cow to cover.
dude its SO not that people are uncommitted and dont take their jobs seriously. They do, they are. And i think its TOTALLY cool that people are so uniquely made that we have the ability to hear the same information and interperate it so differently than one another. I agree with Joel. I think its totally strange to have a rule about what tech volunteers wear. No one in the world cares. I get offended by things other than clothing... but i dont expect the whole universe to change because of it. Those are my problems that i need to fix. Guys dont have pretty legs... so what? They're people. who cares. If someone doesnt like the changing styles, it isnt our job to stay in a rut for them, its their job to control it. And its worship too, so there's nothing wrong with closing our eyes. :-)
Its a silly thing to be talking about i guess. We are just people - and no matter what we do someone will be sinning. I'm pretty sure if we all wore robes up there every week someone would still be wondering what's underneath. And I'm hoping that you people love me enough to tell me if my interpretation of honoring God doesnt meet your standards and send me home to change. Its not that anyone wants to be a distraction. I stand in front of my closet for a good two hours every saturday afternoon before i come to church trying to please you guys and i still get it wrong sometimes. I even accesorize for crying out loud. Who has time for that? :-) And i would love more than anything for someone to jsut tell me - GO HOME GIRL... rather than offending "someone." ,, possibly. ...Within reason though, i mean... I'm not coming and standing behind any curtain or anything. Although... they DO have really cool changing tents they make for the beach. they just go all the way around you and cover everything but your head. Cool, huh? Singing squares. :-) Not a very pricy investment either.
You guys.
What if its really NOT about what we wear. What if the only reason people even NOTICE what we have on is because... we aren't leading them to God effectively?
So I've hesitated to weigh on on this as I'm only a tech sub now and everytime I think about it the idea of tech team people being unable to wear shorts it seems bizarre to me on so many different levels, it tends to get incohesive. But that's what blogging is, so I'm told, so why not...
First, I grew up in The Salvation Army - you'd be hard pressed to find a Christian church with less dress code - members wear uniforms including a particular pant and jacket and color of tie, the pastors (officers) wear uniforms that display their rank on the shoulder, just like military gear, and the stories I could tell about women getting written letters about things like wearing the wrong color nylons or not having their hair up properly under their bonnet. That church is certainly also well known for it's social services arm, and probably has more folks who are homeless, poor, and in various other ways would never be seen in the "right" clothing among their congregation than most other churches. So in a number of ways it's amusing to me to be having this conversation about shorts vs. jeans.
Anyway, for a moment I'll set aside the question of people on the platform (which is another debate in itself - perhaps I'll blog again and link to this one...) and concentrate on the tech team, since that's the "new rule" idea that set off this particular conversation. When I first saw the note, I said to myself, "Self, what in the wold is this?" It just didn't make any sense. And I was waiting and counting on Joel to forward on some funny video of somebody streaking through church with carefully placed objects in front of them - but when we got a serious response from him, I knew it was bad.
So I started thinking about the type of people that chose to do a tech role, particularly as it relates to the technical people I work with. We (stereotype coming) tend to be the folks who are more comfortable behind the scenes, don't want to be seen but more fade into the background, and many probably see the ability to wear what we want as a perk compared to those who have to be on stage in this case, or in out in front of clients in the business sense. I just don't see why shorts vs. not make a difference whether in the tech booth, in the lobby between services, or just sitting in my seat.
So I figured I'd ask myself the same questions Melody did and see what I came up with...
1. Is my objection really about the clothing itself? 2. Or is it more about the loss of having a choice?
It's about why have a rule about what tech people clothing choices are. Rules about food and drink (that can damage pricey equipment, but seem to have gone by the wayside) and rules about being quiet during the service, getting your transitions right and the music the right volume - those all impact the service. But I don't see my wearing shorts doing that.
3. Does making it a “rule” or “guideline” necessarily make it a bad idea?
No - but neither does making it a rule or guideline with a reason that is compelling to those it impacts, particularly when they are volunteers.
4. Does my ministry impact extend beyond the walls of the tech and sound booths?
Most definitely. Again, if I were in the lobby cussing out the computer for crashing, that's a bad thing. In the lobby in shorts, no different than any weekend when I'm not doing tech, so if my clothing doesn't impact my ministry based on who I am as a person, then it's impact on who I am as a tech person would be no different.
5. Does what I wear affect how I serve? (does it make me so uncomfortable that I can’t concentrate?)
Yes when it's too hot in the booth as tends to happen. But people on stage get hot, too. I guess my counter-question to this is not "Does wearing the recommended clothing get in my way of serving?" but "Does wearing the not recommended clothing get in my way of serving?" I don't really think that either have a dramatic impact. Kind of like 3 above - it's not that I think the new rules will prevent me from doing my job well, I just don't see any point to them.
6. Does what I wear support all team members – off the stage and on the stage? (Is it fair? Does fair matter?)
This one is particularly odd to me as someone who was pointed out a couple of weeks ago as "Bill's wearing shorts, but he's tech - so if you want to wear shorts, join tech..." I see ministries as having different requirements - whether in dress (I've worn some interesting things for sketches), ability (is is fair that the singers have to be able to sing, and tech people don't - I'd say yes), or otherwise.
A few years ago, we found out somebody at work was stealing some of our old computer equipment and selling it on Ebay. We fired them, but went beyond that to install new cages, security systems, dual keys required to open the cabinets, sign-out logs for every little thing. Our inventory is no more accurate now than it was then. The only change that really made any different was dealing with the one person.
So I guess my take is that things are going to happen. No matter how many rules, something may break on stage, someone may raise there hands too high and show their midriff, or there earrings might click into their mike, or they may wear lipstick that's not the right color for them at all. So a rule to minimize something that seems to happen frequently and cause a distraction or be otherwise deemed inappropriate (too late to get into that discussion, but I think it has little to do with changing culture) in the risk/reward continuum makes sense to me. But a rule in case you might end up on stage sometime (or a cleverly timed announcement clip to put us all on camera) and if you were you might distract someone or be seen as an eyesore in the lobby doesn't add up to me. People always notice my sandals and Joel's shorts in the winter - I don't see a need to change that based on working tech that weekend or not.
Let's not even discuss a weekend I may wear a tech shirt but not be working tech but the people in the lobby wouldn't know and mistake me for someone who is - the horror. There goes that rambling side, enough for now.
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